I somehow feel the need to share this...

I know that no one cares about other people's fantasy teams, but I need to act like an Eric Mangini sized douche and mention this.

Remember that I said that I was going up against a team that had Tom Brady and Randy Moss on it in the first round of the play-offs? Well, I still trucked dat noob by 30 points.

Thank you. That is all...

Damn these predudice folk

We make jokes sometimes that the AOL Fanhouse has the worst commentators on the interwebs because while some of the folks that comment there seem cool, others consistently show the I.Q. of a brain dead Armadillo.

I usually don't pay much attention to these guys, but this fellow commenting on the Mike Vick sentencing just made my day.

STUPID ASS WHITE FOLKS YO ASS DIDNT SAY THAT WHEN LINDSAY LOHEM GOT 84MINUTES IN JAIL OR BRITNEY STOLE LIGHTER YALL SO DAM PREDUDICE THATS ITS SO

Yeah, he actually called her Lindsay Lohem. That's just priceless.

Blatant use of the "Caps lock" button : Check.
Horrible grammar : Check.
Butchering the name of a well known actress : Check.
Not even finishing the sentence : Check.
Showing the mental capacity of a dirty wash cloth : Double check.

(image courtesy of phun.org)

Planes are fast, cars....not so much

A rather bland Monday Morning Quarterback today from Peter King but as usual, he's good for a few comments that will make you want to castrate a lion...

Brett Favre flew from Green Bay to the Teterboro Airport in suburban New Jersey late last Tuesday afternoon, then was driven into New York to accept the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year award that night.

The first 756 miles of the trip, in the air, took 105 minutes.

The last eight miles of the trip, on the ground during rush hour, took 65 minutes.

That's 432 mph on phase one of the trip, 7 mph on the second leg.

Yeah, I never would have guessed that a plane travels faster than a car. And am I the only one who's disturbed by the fact that King counts the minutes on Favre's trips??

c. Whatever happened to Matt Leinart? Has he been kidnapped?

Leinart fractured his collarbone back in October and was placed on injured reserve. That's why Kurt Warner has been getting the starts. I dunno but you'd think that SI's Senior Football Writer would know this...

f. How, exactly, will NFL Films put a highlight film together for the Miami Dolphins?

Oh fuck off...

h. You are the luckiest man on the face of the earth this morning, Brandon Jacobs. Plaxico Burress and the officials bailed you out in a big way Sunday.

I really doubt that Brandon Jacobs should be considered the luckiest person on earth this morning. There were probably a countless amount of people involved in life or death situations yesterfday who should consider themselves lucky today. Not a guy playing a game...

I have a bad feeling here

So, the Steelers and Pats are just about to kick-off and I'm suddenly not so sure that the Steelers will make them sweat anymore.

David Flemming gave 33 weird reasons why the Steelers will win, Simmons picked them to cover, Peter King cursed them, Bill Cowher picked them on the CBS pregame show and we have that Anthony Smith guarantee. Just too many people jumping on this Steelers bandwagon here...

Oh, and my opponent the first round of the fantasy football play-offs has Brady and Moss on his team. Yeah, the Pats will have this one wrapped up by half time.

Update : I just want every Steeler player and coach to take turns and kick Anthony Smith in his chin. Maybe he'll keep his trap shut next time...

I might as well rename the site

So, I guess I might as well rename this site "Peterkingcangosuckacockflavoredlollipop.com" because I seem to only be writing about Baby Beluga these days.

Now, what did Captain Cholesterol do this time you ask? Well, he picked Pittsburgh to beat New England but what got me were his reasons why the Steelers will win.

See, I had been saying for a few weeks now that Pitt could give New England trouble and I actually did pick Pittsburgh in my pick'em pools this week, but Peter's reasoning blew my mind.

He took simple common sense and donkey punched it...

4. Hines Ward's will to win. The dude leads the league in it.

Yes, the Steelers will win because of Hines Ward incredible amount of will and because you know, no one on the Patriots has any will to win. So according to Peter, not only does Tony Romo lead the league in smiling...but Hines Ward leads the league in "will to win".

Amazing. I actually feel dumber after reading that. I feel like my mind has regressed with big strides after reading that insanely stupid statement. Everything I have accomplished in life means nothing anymore after reading that shit.

Ah well, this obviously means that Pittsburgh has been reamed in the ass by the Peter King curse and that they probably will go winless for the rest of the season. Hines Ward will shred his knee, Big Ben will get a case of gout and Troy Polamalu will end up playing shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Fanhouse and Fire Joe Morgan have also had their share of fun with this and it only illustrates how ridiculous the man has become.

Remember now, he called them the Wombats

The new "Rundown" is up. I stick to kicking Peter King this week as I mock his Montclair Wombats fantasy football team one more time.

Please note some of the fantasy studs that Tubby Maguire passed up in his quest for mediocrity.

Hey look, a post...

Since I haven't written since last Wednesday, I'm going to do an extra long Peter King bash post today.

I'm going to combine the Monday Morning stupidity with the usual fantasy drivel he spews out on Friday for double the fun this week.

So, let's have a look at MMQB first...

Very big week for the Pats. They enter a hornet's-nest tonight in downtown Baltimore. I know it should be easy, but there's something about playing the Ravens in prime time with a pumped crowd readying for their last meaningful game of the season.

Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Kelly Gregg will not allow a rout

I maybe wrong, but Peter said the same thing about the Ravens playing in prime time against the Steelers a few weeks ago and we all know how that ended up.

And I love the fact that just 3 guys (Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Kelly Gregg) can somehow stop New England from running crazy. Never mind a game plan, never mind an offense would have to run ball and control the clock, never mind a total effort from the entire defense...nope, just those 3 guys can do it.

The mark of a good quarterback is one who plays poorly for three quarters -- and Eli Manning had played poorly for seven in a row -- and then comes back when all hope appears lost. Manning led New York on two late drives to keep it in the driver's seat for one of the two NFC wild-card slots.

Play 3 horrible quarters, get bailed out because the opposing offense is even more lethargic than your own.....hang on for dear life at the end and you have yourself a good quarterback according to Peter King.

Leon Washington. Joe Washington. Same guy. If you're 45 or older, you see that.

........... (mind is wandering)

Good A.J. Feeley: He directed the Eagles to 52 points against the Pats and 'Hawks the last two weeks. Bad Feeley: He threw seven interceptions in those two games.

Good A.J. Feeley never existed. It's a myth. Miami gave up valuable draft picks for Feeley a few years ago and learned this lesson the hard way. It's one of the reasons why they are 0-12 right now.

Miami's going winless.

It took you 13 weeks to realize this?

LaDainian Tomlinson is looking a lot like LaDainian Tomlinson again.

Yeah, before yesterday he looked a lot like Joan Rivers is you ask me....

When I watch the Bills, I feel like I'm watching a bunch of guys who would play football for free.

Beat an emotionally drained team by 1 point on a last second field goal (while being aided by a coaching gaffe) and you're suddenly a team that would play football for free. SI's senior football writer at his best folks...

And yeah, ask Willis McGahee if he wanted to play for free in Bufallo. Ask Nate Clements. Ask J.P. Losman if he wants to stay for free when his contract is up soon...

Where did Roddy White come from? Ten more catches yesterday in St. Louis. Nice player.

Roddy White came from the University of Alabama-Birmingham. He was a first round pick in 2005 and has already played in 44 career games. Most of us have heard of him...

The Bengals, Broncos, Chiefs and Saints signed their playoff death warrants Sunday. Yes, the same Saints I picked to play in the Super Bowl.

The Peter King curse folks, in full effect. Remember now, I called this back in June.

Things worked out for the BCS. Ohio State-LSU is the game I want to see for the marbles.

I'm pretty sure you're the only person outside of Baton Rouge and Columbus Ohio that feels like this...

Coffeenerdness: My daughter Mary Beth informs me that The Barge, the campus coffeehouse at Colgate University and her employer, has shipped out two pounds of Colgate Blend to a South Dakota man, based on my review of the black gold in a recent column. You won't regret it, sir. That's a strong, delicious cup of Green Mountain coffee.

I want to fight a diseased infested grizzly bear right now. That's how irritated I get by this shit. Fuck me in the liver, when will it ever stop???

Ever have a "Stubbs?'' No? Your life is not complete. Had one for lunch on Wednesday in Texas. It's a bacon, sausage and egg sandwich, on thick Texas toast, from the Coppell Deli, named after the former Dallas Cowboy Dan Stubbs. Well worth the $4.95, because once you've eaten this monster, you won't be hungry for three days.

Unless you're Peter King. Then you'd be hungry again after 3 hours.

Man o man, what a bag of shit that was. That was a bag of shit that was left to stew in the sun for about 2 weeks. And there are somehow still people out there that genuinely enjoy reading this stuff. Amazing really....

Ah well, let's have a look at the train wreck that is Peter King and fantasy football...

1. Be careful about expecting too much out of [Adrian] Peterson, who spent the week adjusting to playing with a knee brace. And do not bench Taylor if you've got him, because I see Brad Childress leaning toward splitting the load this week and next while Peterson gets back into good playing shape.

Actually a good call here by mister butter pants. Taylor and Peterson split the carries but as for not expecting much out of AP...how's about 15 rushes for 116 yards and 2 Td's.

2. Pick up Tennessee's defense, or play it ahead of your other defense if you have two. Simplistic to say, but the Titans' D will return with a vengeance this weekend with Albert Haynesworth back in the lineup after his strained hammy. And don't expect Ron Dayne to do much after averaging 5.0 yards a carry over the last three weeks. Haynesworth eats guys like him for bedtime snacks.

Tennesse's defense allowed 20 points and only managed 1 pick and 2 sacks. Ron Dayne on the other hand had 86 yards and a touchdown. Not exactly what I would call a bedtime snack.

5. Take a flyer on Jesse Chatman off the waiver wire if he's been dumped there. He was limited in practice this week, but the Dolphins need him to get off the schneid, and it sounds like he's going to try to give Miami 15 carries or so against an inconsistent Jets run defense.

Jesse Chatman : 11 carries, 26 yards and 1 injury. The Peter King curse is a ruthless villain.

6. No D.J. Hackett for Matt Hasselbeck and Mike Holmgren to gameplan with. So, I'd play Deion Branch and expect him to get eight catches in Philly. Games like this are why the Seahawks gave up a first-round pick for Branch.

Deion Branch : 5 catches, 40 yards, 0 times in the endzone. You heard it folks, the Seahawks gave up a first round pick for marginal production like that...

7. I'd think hard about picking up Trent Dilfer and playing him this week. He's coming off his best game in years -- a 356-yard strafing of the Cards -- and the 49ers should be able to throw it on the packing-it-in Panthers.

Did ANYONE even consider starting Dilfer this week? I had the choice between Dilfer and getting 0 points from McNabb. I went with 0 points from McNabb and it looks like that was the right thing to do.

Dilfer : 171 yards, 2 touchdowns and 4 picks. Anyone thats dumb enough to consider Dilfer should get kicked in the kneecaps by a Centaur.

8. It's going to be a painful weekend for the Redskins, taking the field so soon after the death of Sean Taylor. You always wonder how players with damaged psyches can come back and play a game so quickly. My theory is that the Bills are so beat up right now -- they lost defensive end Chris Kelsay this week, and will play their third straight game without Marshawn Lynch -- that Washington will be able to move the ball and let their inner inspiration work for them. I expect Clinton Portis, who thought of but decided against wearing Taylor's number 21 Sunday ("I can't live up to those expectations,'' he said), to play one of the best games of his life for his fallen friend.

Clinton Portis : 25 carries, 50 yards and 1 TD. Far from the best game of his life. As for Peter King and horrible football columns, we get those every single week.