How to mismanage your fantasy team

I still can't tie my own shoelaces or read above fourth grade level, but I am quite the professional when it comes to destroying my fantasy teams. Check some of these Isiah Thomasesque moves that I pulled off that ensured destruction and self-defecation.

• Start Tiki Barber without having Brandon Jacobs to go along with him. Stab self in chest as Jacobs gets another touchdown while Tiki gets nothing again.
  

• Start Drew Bennett even though you know that Stephen Hawking will throw more in his direction than Vince Young will. Bennett rewards you with a sparkling 23 yard receiving performance.

• Watch in horror as Matt Hasselbeck goes down with an injury. Look past your extreme hatred for the New York Jets and pick up Chad Pennington because he's playing Cleveland. Hate Chad Pennington more than ever before after he throws for 108 yards and 2 interceptions and 0 Td's.
  

• Trade Tampa's Defense for Marion Barber and New Orleans' defense. Promptly watch New Orleans give up 35 points to the Ravens.

• Realize that Damon Huard is a fantasy stud, yet make no attempt to aquire him. Shed tears as Huard throws for 300 yards and a touchdown while he sleeps with your wife.

• Start Pittsburgh's Defense and get extreme erection because they're playing Oakland. Get pathetically flacid like Bob Dole after Oakland wins.

• Start Bubba Franks...

Update : Even though Marion Barber had 0 touches at halftime, he still managed to finish with 2 Td's, salvaging some dignity for me.