Devin Hester is fast, scary fast

Last night, as is my custom on Monday's, I sat uncomfortably slouched in my chair and drank some juice straight out of the carton while watching some Monday Night Football. Yes, that should accurately portray my level of "coolness" for you.

Either way, Jay and me were discussing Tony Kornheiser's pathetic comb-over, the current state of the economy in Lithuania and the horrible noises being made by Jim Belushi.

Jay : "Damn, did you see Kornheiser's comb-over?"
Davey : "Yeah. I don't know what's worse. His hair or his commentary..."
Jay : "He still gets more poon than you though"
Davey : "Martin Grammatica gets more poon than me. That stiff-arm that Steven Jackson just put on Charles Tillman is the most sex I've had in quite some time."
Jay : "Why do I even talk to you..."

But then Devin Hester decided to take the game over. Hester returned 2 kick-offs for touchdowns on the night as he single handedly saved Rex Grossman's job and secured a first round-bye for the Bears. And yeah, you know me. As soon as a former 'Cane does something remotely good, I become a big assbag and show off using the fine services of YouTube.

This time it's no different. Look at Hester right there. He's like Justin Gatlin, only without the steroids. He's like Dante Hall, only with more talent. Just look at that return against Duke. Moves like that are now illegal in 43 states. Reggie McNeal tried out some of those moves in a club last week and he got arrested.

Hester is so fast, that during the first return yesterday, he went up to the booth, broke Theisman's leg and continued to score the touchdown without even breaking stride. During the second return, he quickly went to New York just to calll Michael Strahan a dickface. He still scored untouched...

If you didn't know, Hester's major at Miami was "being awesome". Classes required him to just run around and be awesome while he embarassed other people.



You see that guy there that looks like me? Wimpering and crying and wishing he was never even born? He tried to tackle Hester once during a punt return. Look at him now. Life isn't even worth living anymore.

That's also how people look like when they're done reading on of my posts but I'll leave that for another time..