A rough season comes to an end

Last night marked the end of my brutal fantasy season in our Braves Journal League. I missed the play-offs by 2 games and instead of taking responsibility for my horrible management, I'm basically blaming everything on Peter King. Why do ask?

Well, let's take a look back at how all of this came to stand.


Phase 1 : The Horrible Fantasy Draft

Things started off very bad that faithful August night. I had no plan, no draft rankings, no idea of what I was going to do and the result was an anal fleecing. In a deep league where you need to get the best value for your picks, I ended up with 2 kickers along with Bubba Franks, Mike Anderson and Travis Taylor. Even Matt Millen saw how messed up that was.

Matt Millen : "Shit son, that draft was messed up"
Davey : "Sigh..."

Phase 2 : Denial

This is where I started to reason positively about my picks. I sat for hours and hours trying to look at the bright side and convincing myself that I actually did a good job.

"Well, Edgerrin James is going to prove that he can succeed outside of Indy. Besides, the Cards have nice weapons on offense, so James will put up big numbers."

"The Titans will suck but Billy Volek will be throwing to Drew Bennett all day loooong."

"Chris Perry should be a good second running back. He'll get carries, he'll catch some passes out of the back-field and he'll even return some kicks probably. Sweet.

"Troy Williamson should get plenty of chances in that Minnesota passing game. He'll show everyone that he was worth a first round pick last season."

Bullshit.

Phase 3 : Brutal weekly humpings

As expected, my team sucked Barbaro's big balls and every week presented another intense humping. I started the season a pathetic 1-4 and I was the topic of ridicule on the message boards. Even my mother kept feeling the need to remind me how bad I am at everything.

Mother : "The only sex you're getting is when your fantasy team gets drilled every Sunday. You're such a loser."
Davey : "Sigh..."

Phase 4 : Realize I have nothing to lose and start stirring shit up

After that 1-4 start, I realized that things could possibly not get any worse and I decided to spice things up a little. The first order of business was to get rid of Edgerrin James' ass. I managed to pull off a trade for Marion Barber that should now be considered illegal in about 37 states.

Next, I decided to start make Drew Brees my # 1 quarterback. Hasselbeck was struggling a bit, he got hurt and Brees was basically throwing for about 800 yards a week, so the decision was pretty easy. It came 5 weeks too late, but whatever.

I also dropped Tampa's dissapointing Defense and began starting Miami's defensive unit. The Dolphins were off to a bad start but it wasn't because of the defense.

The last step was replacing the likes of Travis Taylor, Troy Williamson, Samkon Gado and Bubba Franks with guys like Eric Parker, Kevin Curtis and Jerious Norwood. So, the overhaul was complete and now I could just sit back and hope for the best.

Phase 5 : Dominate

The moves paid off and suddenly I went on a hot streak. I went on a 5-2 run and my record was suddenly 6-6 and I had an outside shot at actually making the 6-team play-offs. I was trash talking and looking to start fist fights with little kids. All I needed now was to win that last match-up and hope that it'd be enough to get in.

Phase 6 : Listen to Peter King and self-destruct.

It's pretty normal to follow all the fantasy experts to see who they like and which match-ups to exploit but Peter King should not be considered such an expert.
Petey Pablo gives his weekly fantasy tips for SI and sadly, I followed. Twice.

Peter managed to convince me to start Najeh Davenport instead of Jerious Norwood and ofcourse Norwood finished over 100 yards including a 69 yard touchdown run, while Davenport was as useful as Stuart Scott's lazy eye. I lost that last match-up by 3 points and obviously did not make the play-offs.

I finished with a mediocre 6-7 record and needed 8 wins for a play-off spot. Now here's where Peter comes in again. Peter is directly to blame for that last loss where I had Norwood on the bench, but the loss before that can also be pinned on him.

Back in week 9, Miami was playing the Bears and Peter warned not to play a single Dolphin. It seemed like the smart and logical thing to do, and I followed. I benched Miami's Defense and started New Orleans who where going up against pathetic Pittsburgh. Good move right?

Well, New Orleans gave up 38 points in a loss to the Steelers while the Dolphins had their way with the Bears. I lost my match-up by 14 points, which basically was because of the defensive switch.

So, there you have it. I took Peter King's advice twice, lost both times and ended up missing the play-offs by two games. That's how things work around here folks. Like clockwork.