Time to remind you how kick-ass that Dolphins defense is

In my last post I casually mentioned how the Orlando Magic will stomp on your groin and steal your lunch money because they're awesome and no one can stop them. Well, now it's time for me to tell you a little bit about the titanium bending, atom splitting machine of destruction known as the Miami Dolphins defense.

You want to know how brutal Miami's defense is?
Miami's defense is so brutal that it makes Chinese kids get seizures. Ru Paul was a man before he saw Miami's defense. As was Marylin Manson. But look at them now. They can't handle all the manly testosterone that flows from this defense.

Miami's defense also hits very hard. Channing Crowder hit Larry Johnson so hard a few weeks ago that Priest Holmes re-injured himself while watching the game on tv. That's how hard this defense hits. They will hit you and they will then hit your mother and father for conceiving you.

You want to know what Jason Taylor is doing right now? He just sacked Superman. Before that he tackled the Human Torch in the backfield for a big loss. He also intercepted Captain Planet and returned it for a touchdown. Captain Planet knows better than to come with that weak shit around here.

This defense is also fast. Travis Daniels challenged Flash to a race around the world. Travis stopped along the way, did some sight-seeing, adopted an orphan, slept with Flash's wife and still beat him by a couple of minutes.

Jon Kitna had hair before he saw Zach Thomas. Look at Thomas right there. The man is actually flying. Not even stupid gravity can stop him.
That Raider player right there is peeing from his nostrils. That's how scared he is.

Miami plays Jacksonville this Sunday. If David Garrard is smart, he'd move to Malta right now. But he'd still get hunted down and sacked. Cuz that's how they roll in South Florida bitchezzz.