That sound you just heard in Boston was death...

What do you get for tanking your way to a 23-win season, and hoping to land one of the two franchise studs in the draft? Well, you get to pick 5th overall...

Boston, which had a great shot at landing the top pick ended up dropping to five which will most definitely lead to a rise in alcohol consumption and crime all throughout New England. Memphis, the other team that had a good shot at the top pick ended up getting 4th, which is just brutal if you ask me...

The Trailblazers got the first overall pick, even though having just a 5% chance, and can now look to add Oden or Durant to a roster that already has Brandon Roy, last season's rookie of the year.

The Sonics got the 2nd overall pick while the Hawks got 3rd and 11. The question now becomes how the Hawks will screw that up, because that's basically what they do best. Maybe they'll ship the picks to Sacramento for one of Artest's rap albums or something. I dunno, I just don't see them actually doing something productive with it.

So yes, the fortunes of some franchises have been drastically improved/kicked into the dirt tonight. Portland, Seattle and the Hawks are sitting pretty while Boston, Memphis, Milwaukee and even Phoenix must be jamming sharp objects in their throats.

In between this draft debacle, the Roy/Telfair trade and the Doc Rivers contract extension, I just can't imagine what it's like to be a Celtics fan. It must be the equivalent of pissing glass and then dousing the wounds with bleach. Simmons is really going to lose a kidney while writing his next article...

Editor's note : Larry Johnson has nothing to do with this post, but he looks damn spiffy in that picture.