I've had it with this team

I'm going to start this post by warning you that I am going to rant. If you like ranting and German porn references, then this post will suit you just fine. If you don't, I advise you to close this page, put on a top hat and go fist yourself gently in a corner.

Now back to my crummy mood. I'm saying it right now. I'm done with the Atlanta Braves this season. I have fuckin' had it with that team. They could somehow turn things around, skull rape the rest of the opponents on their schedule, win the division, raid and pillage their way to a World Series title and I don't think I'd really care. Right now Bobby Cox and John Smoltz could show up at my house wearing ballerina clothing and sing the entire soundtrack of "300" and I wouldn't even crack a smile.

Call me a quitter, call me a bad "fan"...I don't care. Tell me that after all those division titles and World Series appearances that I should be thankful and that I shouldn't whine like a 3 dollar hooker. You'd probably be right. After that nice streak that lasted 'till last season, Bud Selig could dress me up like a girl scout and fondle me while wearing a Julian Tavarez mask and I would probably still have no reason to complain. But damnit, what the fuck.

Last season sucked, but at least the team sucked so much that we had our hopes crushed early. It really made things easier. But this season they teased us all season long..only to deliver the knock-out blow in the most important series of the year.

The Mets came to town with a 4.5 game lead and they left today with a 7.5 game lead. For those of you that can't grasp simple, pre-school math, it means that the Mets swept the fuck out of us and that the season is over. The fat lady came, the fat lady sang and the fat lady donkey punched us on the way out.

I mean, this team should be the favorites in the N.L. right now. We added Mike Gonzalez, we added Rafael Soriano, we added Mark fuckin' Teixeira to an already ass-kicking line up. I don't know where it went wrong. Maybe it was Mike Hampton's injury, maybe it was Gonzalez going down, maybe it was Andruw Jones' slump, maybe it's the fact that our 5th starters can't even beat a team of dead armadillos.

Yeah, maybe we just suck big water buffalo testicles. Either way, I could give a crap anymore after today. I'm done. And yes, should they somehow miraculously come back and make a play-off run...I'll look stupid and insecure and so be it.

The Dolphins and Hurricanes will bring me the occasional smiles during the coming months. The 'Canes have a starting qb named "Kirby" and will probably lose at least 3 games but it's ok, I have no expectations. The Dolphins have a 37-year old qb and a schedule that's as brutal as those sadistic midgets in German snuff porn...but again, it's ok. Having absolutely no expectations means that you won't be disappointed.

And since my mood is basically ruined right now, I'm going to post a video of the greatest college football team ever. The 2001 Miami Hurricanes. When you're doing your fantasy draft and your raping your brain trying to draft Frank Gore, Willis McGahee, Clinton Portis, Andre Johnson, Jeremy Shockey or Kellen Winslow...remember that they were all on that team. Now go fist yourself again....