No wonder I'm leading these leagues

We're 3 weeks into the season and I haven't really talked mentioned anything fantasy football related yet and there's a reason for that. My teams are raping ass so far and I'm just sitting back quietly and enjoying it...but this just needs to be shared.

I came with this strategy that I'm just going to decline every trade that is proposed to me unless that it's something that will give me an immediate erection. This strategy is basically the result of two of the worst trades that have ever been made in fantasy history. First, there was my Chad Johnson trade that should have me banned from fantasy sports forever, and there's the A-Rod trade I made back in April. (yes, for those of you that don't know...I traded away A-Rod before the season started. Fuck me upside down).

So yeah, that has scarred me to the point where I am now. I'm very hesitant to pull any trigger but I've gotten some offers the past week that have just been mind-boggling. I kid you not. A few of the proposals were shitty but made me actually consider them for a few minutes. I'll give an example...

I was offered Trent Green (37-year old qb on the worst team in AFC) and Shaun McDonald (4th receiver in Detroit) and Kevin Jones (guy returning from major foot injury and that now will be splitting carries with Tatum Bell) for Drew Brees and Plaxico Burress.

Now, I considered this for a minute but then I told this guy to please choke on my gooch. But nothing could've prepared me for these....two proposals straight out of the Matt Millen league of losers.

• Trade proposal number 1.

I have to give up : Steve Smith
I get in return : Darrell Jackson & Tatum Bell.

Yes, you read that right. This guy wanted Steve Smith, a top-3 wide receiver in return for a schmuck that can't catch and/or stay healthy and Tatum Bell...a running back that's going to be splitting carries in a Mike Martz offense (which basically ignores the running back almost completely).

Fuck you sir. Fuck you with a broken broomstick.

• Trade proposal number 2.

I have to give up : Anquan Boldin
I get in return : Anthony Gonzalez

So, I'm hoping that this douche was joking because if he wasn't, he needs to be hung upside down by his ballsack. He wants one of the best receivers in the league, in return for a rookie that's probably the 6th option in his offense. This guy also thought that it would be a good idea to propose this right after Anquan was done wearing Samari Rolle like a cheap scarf yesterday...

I'm surprised he didn't offer me Jason Avant for Frank Gore. I actually want this guy to pass me by in the streets so that I can stab him in the shins. Seriously, not even Peter King would try a trade like that and Peter told everyone to sit Brian Westrbrook this week.


* Note : after watching Drew Brees and the Saints tonight, Trent Green actually sounds like a decent option. The Saints now join the group of KC, Minnesota, Miami, Atlanta, Buffalo and St. Louis as teams that are as pleasant as a violent colonic.