This is what rock bottom looks like huh

Ho. Ly. Shit. What a day. If this day was a porn movie, it would be the sickest form of German snuff imaginable. The kind of snuff that Nic Cage was looking for in 8MM. Seriously, I don't even know where to begin.

Well, let's start with some baseball. It was the last day of Braves baseball on TBS today, and since I grew up watching Braves baseball in the late '80 / early 90's on TBS, it sucked like Saigon hooker on crack. The fact that the stupid team didn't make the play-offs was another punch to the neck and seeing Chipper Jones lose the batting title on the last day also added to the pain in my testicles.

Football didn't make anything better today either. Brett Favre broke Marino's touchdown record, and even though I have nothing against Brett...you can imagine that I wanted Marino to have that record at least 'till Kenny Chesney's girl would break it.

And then there was the Dolphins game itself. I'll confidently say that this is the low-point of this franchise. I made fun of the Falcons and said that they were the worst team in football but the Falcons shut me up nicely today. They're not the worst. The worst fuckin' team in the league plays in South Florida in a stadium with a stupid dirt infield.

Let's look at some numbers shall we. Daunte Culpepper was 5-12 for just 75 yards. He rushed 3 times for 28 yards, yet he still put up 5 total touchdowns. 103 total yards to go along with 5 Td's. It might look weird, but considering that our defense consists of peanut butter and feathers, it's not strange at all.

Oakland ran for 299 total yards. Justin Fargas ran for over 100 yards...in the 4th quarter and had a career-high 179 yards. Yes, Justin Fargas and the Raiders did that. They came into Miami and took a dump in our mouths and all we could do was just stand there and look stupid. And this was after our big free-agent signing guaranteed a victory. Fuck me in the armpits.

But they deserve this. After the way they treated Culpepper, they deserved him coming back, scoring 5 touchdowns, grabbing his crotch and screwing Wayne Huizenga's wife on the sideline. Good for you Daunte, good for you.

In the pre-season I was hopeful for a mediocre 6-10 record. Then I lowered my expectations to 3-13. Now I'm convinced that this piece of shit team will go winless. The only slightly "winnable" games are Cleveland and Buffalo but they way those two teams played today, they'll kick our skull in. They'll kick our skull in while dry-humping our cheerleaders.

So, everyone can make jokes and kick dirt on this team. I don't really care anymore. Come April we'll be drafting first overall and I'm sure that that will get messed up somehow also. Maybe we'll take a kicker first...or a mascot. That would be fuckin' sweet.

* (Photo by Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images)