The Carolina Panthers are officially done

I originally did this post for the Epic Carnival, but I decided to drop it here as well. Yeah, it's my blog and I'll do whatever the hell I want.

After the Carolina Panthers had signed 83-year old Vinny Testaverde a few days ago, it spawned a new rule which I now like to call "the Testaverde Rule".

See, the Testaverde Rule is simple. It immediately eliminates any any team which has a quarterback depth chart that wouldn't even scare a team of amputee midgets.

With Jake Delhomme done for the year, the Panthers now a have a qb depth chart that includes a gimpy David Carr, Matt Moore (an undrafted rookie) and Testaverde, a guy that is so damn old that he won the Heisman the same year that his teammate Dwayne Jarrett was born. Wrap your mind around that if you can.

So basically, the Panthers are done. I don't care what your record is, how your schedule looks like or how good the other players are on your team. When this is your depth at quarterback, you are done my friend. Carolina could have the 2000 Ravens on defense and the '99 Rams at the other positions on offense...but if Vinny is back there under center, you might as well call it a day.

But besides the Panthers, there are other teams that we can also apply the "Testaverde Rule" to. Minnesota (Tarvaris Jackson, Kelly Holcomb, Brooks Bollinger), Atlanta (Harrington, Leftwich, Chris Redman) and Miami (Trent Green's corpse, some guy called Cleo Lemon, rookie John Beck) immediately come to mind.

San Francisco (an injured Alex Smith, what's left of Trent Dilfer and Shaun Hill) and Kansas City (Damon Huard, Brodie Croyle, Tyler Thigpen) are also closely hovering around that Testaverde zone.

Seriously, if you are a Panthers fan, how can this AP article not make you stab yourself in the colon...

Vinny Testaverde won the Heisman Trophy the same year his new Carolina teammate Dwayne Jarrett was born. He was the No. 1 overall pick eight years before the Panthers entered the NFL.

He's thrown more passes than have been thrown in Carolina's history. He's also nearly four years older than his offensive coordinator.

Yet the soon-to-be 44-year-old Testaverde -- the man nicknamed "Dad" by his new teammates -- could start Sunday for the banged-up Panthers at Arizona.

"I'm just surprised that people are still interested in a 44-year old quarterback that hasn't played in five or six weeks," Testaverde said Wednesday, with his gray sideburns visible under his baseball cap.

Yes sir, a 44 year old that hasn't played in five or six weeks. Congratulations Carolina, you've just signed the only guy that could make Trent Green look young and rejuvenated. We'll see you in 2008.