I know that no one cares about other people's fantasy teams, but I need to act like an Eric Mangini sized douche and mention this.
Remember that I said that I was going up against a team that had Tom Brady and Randy Moss on it in the first round of the play-offs? Well, I still trucked dat noob by 30 points.
Thank you. That is all...
We make jokes sometimes that the AOL Fanhouse has the worst commentators on the interwebs because while some of the folks that comment there seem cool, others consistently show the I.Q. of a brain dead Armadillo.
I usually don't pay much attention to these guys, but this fellow commenting on the Mike Vick sentencing just made my day.
STUPID ASS WHITE FOLKS YO ASS DIDNT SAY THAT WHEN LINDSAY LOHEM GOT 84MINUTES IN JAIL OR BRITNEY STOLE LIGHTER YALL SO DAM PREDUDICE THATS ITS SO
A rather bland Monday Morning Quarterback today from Peter King but as usual, he's good for a few comments that will make you want to castrate a lion...
Brett Favre flew from Green Bay to the Teterboro Airport in suburban New Jersey late last Tuesday afternoon, then was driven into New York to accept the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year award that night.
The first 756 miles of the trip, in the air, took 105 minutes.
The last eight miles of the trip, on the ground during rush hour, took 65 minutes.
That's 432 mph on phase one of the trip, 7 mph on the second leg.
Yeah, I never would have guessed that a plane travels faster than a car. And am I the only one who's disturbed by the fact that King counts the minutes on Favre's trips??
c. Whatever happened to Matt Leinart? Has he been kidnapped?
f. How, exactly, will NFL Films put a highlight film together for the Miami Dolphins?
h. You are the luckiest man on the face of the earth this morning, Brandon Jacobs. Plaxico Burress and the officials bailed you out in a big way Sunday.
So, the Steelers and Pats are just about to kick-off and I'm suddenly not so sure that the Steelers will make them sweat anymore.
David Flemming gave 33 weird reasons why the Steelers will win, Simmons picked them to cover, Peter King cursed them, Bill Cowher picked them on the CBS pregame show and we have that Anthony Smith guarantee. Just too many people jumping on this Steelers bandwagon here...
Oh, and my opponent the first round of the fantasy football play-offs has Brady and Moss on his team. Yeah, the Pats will have this one wrapped up by half time.
Update : I just want every Steeler player and coach to take turns and kick Anthony Smith in his chin. Maybe he'll keep his trap shut next time...
So, I guess I might as well rename this site "Peterkingcangosuckacockflavoredlollipop.com" because I seem to only be writing about Baby Beluga these days.
Now, what did Captain Cholesterol do this time you ask? Well, he picked Pittsburgh to beat New England but what got me were his reasons why the Steelers will win.
See, I had been saying for a few weeks now that Pitt could give New England trouble and I actually did pick Pittsburgh in my pick'em pools this week, but Peter's reasoning blew my mind.
He took simple common sense and donkey punched it...
4. Hines Ward's will to win. The dude leads the league in it.
The new "Rundown" is up. I stick to kicking Peter King this week as I mock his Montclair Wombats fantasy football team one more time.
Please note some of the fantasy studs that Tubby Maguire passed up in his quest for mediocrity.
Since I haven't written since last Wednesday, I'm going to do an extra long Peter King bash post today.
I'm going to combine the Monday Morning stupidity with the usual fantasy drivel he spews out on Friday for double the fun this week.
So, let's have a look at MMQB first...
Very big week for the Pats. They enter a hornet's-nest tonight in downtown Baltimore. I know it should be easy, but there's something about playing the Ravens in prime time with a pumped crowd readying for their last meaningful game of the season.
Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Kelly Gregg will not allow a rout
The mark of a good quarterback is one who plays poorly for three quarters -- and Eli Manning had played poorly for seven in a row -- and then comes back when all hope appears lost. Manning led New York on two late drives to keep it in the driver's seat for one of the two NFC wild-card slots.
Leon Washington. Joe Washington. Same guy. If you're 45 or older, you see that.
Good A.J. Feeley: He directed the Eagles to 52 points against the Pats and 'Hawks the last two weeks. Bad Feeley: He threw seven interceptions in those two games.
Miami's going winless.
LaDainian Tomlinson is looking a lot like LaDainian Tomlinson again.
When I watch the Bills, I feel like I'm watching a bunch of guys who would play football for free.
Where did Roddy White come from? Ten more catches yesterday in St. Louis. Nice player.
The Bengals, Broncos, Chiefs and Saints signed their playoff death warrants Sunday. Yes, the same Saints I picked to play in the Super Bowl.
Things worked out for the BCS. Ohio State-LSU is the game I want to see for the marbles.
Coffeenerdness: My daughter Mary Beth informs me that The Barge, the campus coffeehouse at Colgate University and her employer, has shipped out two pounds of Colgate Blend to a South Dakota man, based on my review of the black gold in a recent column. You won't regret it, sir. That's a strong, delicious cup of Green Mountain coffee.
Ever have a "Stubbs?'' No? Your life is not complete. Had one for lunch on Wednesday in Texas. It's a bacon, sausage and egg sandwich, on thick Texas toast, from the Coppell Deli, named after the former Dallas Cowboy Dan Stubbs. Well worth the $4.95, because once you've eaten this monster, you won't be hungry for three days.
1. Be careful about expecting too much out of [Adrian] Peterson, who spent the week adjusting to playing with a knee brace. And do not bench Taylor if you've got him, because I see Brad Childress leaning toward splitting the load this week and next while Peterson gets back into good playing shape.
2. Pick up Tennessee's defense, or play it ahead of your other defense if you have two. Simplistic to say, but the Titans' D will return with a vengeance this weekend with Albert Haynesworth back in the lineup after his strained hammy. And don't expect Ron Dayne to do much after averaging 5.0 yards a carry over the last three weeks. Haynesworth eats guys like him for bedtime snacks.
5. Take a flyer on Jesse Chatman off the waiver wire if he's been dumped there. He was limited in practice this week, but the Dolphins need him to get off the schneid, and it sounds like he's going to try to give Miami 15 carries or so against an inconsistent Jets run defense.
6. No D.J. Hackett for Matt Hasselbeck and Mike Holmgren to gameplan with. So, I'd play Deion Branch and expect him to get eight catches in Philly. Games like this are why the Seahawks gave up a first-round pick for Branch.
7. I'd think hard about picking up Trent Dilfer and playing him this week. He's coming off his best game in years -- a 356-yard strafing of the Cards -- and the 49ers should be able to throw it on the packing-it-in Panthers.
8. It's going to be a painful weekend for the Redskins, taking the field so soon after the death of Sean Taylor. You always wonder how players with damaged psyches can come back and play a game so quickly. My theory is that the Bills are so beat up right now -- they lost defensive end Chris Kelsay this week, and will play their third straight game without Marshawn Lynch -- that Washington will be able to move the ball and let their inner inspiration work for them. I expect Clinton Portis, who thought of but decided against wearing Taylor's number 21 Sunday ("I can't live up to those expectations,'' he said), to play one of the best games of his life for his fallen friend.
The new "Rundown" column is up. This week I pick on Elisha Manning and I pick on Pete Prisco (again) for telling us to not pick on Manning.
Good times for everyone..
(image courtesy of phun.org)
It only took 6 carries, but Ricky Williams is already done for the season.
Williams fumbled during last night's horror fest against Pittsburgh and got stomped on by Lawrence Timmons when Timmons was going for the fumble recovery.
So Sir Smoke-A-lot's much anticipated comeback lasted only a whopping 6 carries. With the way Miami's season has gone so far, I can't say that I'm surprised at all.
I mean, Ricky could have been struck by lightning 24 times during pre-game warm-ups while being kicked in the shins by an angry leprechaun and I still wouldn't find it strange.
By the time we hit week 14, Miami will be lining up my mother in the backfield....
I just don't have any words. Sean Taylor has died this morning from the gunshot wound he got to the leg yesterday.
Being 24 years old myself, it hits pretty hard to think how this young man lost his life. He leaves behind a girlfriend and a young daughter and I can't even imagine what his family must be going through right now.
Really not the news I wanted to wake up to....
Started at a new job today and as a result I couldn't post anything throughout today.
The Sean Taylor incident also has me as down as can be because he's probably my favorite non Dolphins football player. It just goes to show how fragile we are...
Either way, I'm doing the Random Observations of the Monday Night game. First half edition is up here...
Update : Second half edition is here and it's brutal
Well, this will surely mean 0-16 now. When your middle linebacker and team leader busts out the Soulja Boy, then there's just no going back. I guess that the concussion and the car accident have affected Zach way more than we thought...
(The Big Lead, You Been Blinded)
So, I was surfing the interwebs last night and I came across this post by Miami Herald sports columnist Armando Salguero about how the Dolphins would be in better shape if Nick Saban had stayed on board.
Salguero tried to argue that Miami, LSU, Michigan, Saban and Cam Cameron would all be in better places right now if Saban had elected to stay at Miami.
Now, I don't know if he wrote this just to have fun and to stir shit up in the comments section or if he genuinely believes the garbage that he spewed out in this post.
Here's the thing. On the one hand, Saban went 8-8 and 6-10 in his two seasons as Miami's coach and on paper it looks way better than 0-10. Saban also had a pretty good draft in '05 that brought in a bunch of starters including Ronnie Brown, who showed everyone this season that he fits into that elite back category.
If Saban stayed, the team would probably also not be winless right now. That's one way of looking at it but let's be realistic here.
Saban quit on this team after giving them his word. That's really not the guy I would want as a coach. And he would not be rebuilding right now (what this team desperately needed) and Miami would be plodding along to another 6-10 / 9-7 type season while achieving absolutely nothing.
But hey, let's see how Armando argues this one...
Nick Saban should have waited one more year, should have buckled his proverbial chin strap and stayed with the Dolphins and struggled and suffered through one more season. And if he had everyone would be better off.
Yes, I just wrote that. Everyone, Saban and Cam Cameron and the Dolphins and LSU and Michigan, would be better off for 2008.
How would Saban be better off? Well, the fact is he is in deep do at Alabama now coming off back-to-back losses to Mississippi State and Louisiana-Monroe. His team is underachieving and fans once loyal to him are getting the idea the guy is something of a strange bird based on comments he made Monday.
Saban described the humbling defeat against ULM inappropriately, mentioning the 9-11 terrorist attacks and Pearl Harbor in talking about how his team must rebound like America did from a "catastrophic event.''
"Changes in history usually occur after some kind of catastrophic event,'' Saban said. "It may be 9-11, which sort of changed the spirit of America RELATIVE TO catastrophic events. Pearl Harbor kind of got us ready for World War II, and that was a catastrophic event.''
And this is seriously the guy you want to be leading this team right now?
And that leads me to the reason everyone would be better off if Saban had stayed. If he had stayed, and I remind you it was HIS choice to leave, Saban probably would be struggling with the Dolphins this year. But he would likely be preparing himself for a return to LSU if/when Les Miles flies the coop for Michigan.
Think of it. If Saban were Miami's coach, Miles would almost certainly become Michigan's coach because the folks at LSU would gladly let Miles out of his contract in order to get Saban back. And it is that contract, which has a $1.25 million buyout clause if Miles goes to Michigan, that is the only thing that might keep Miles at LSU.
If Saban went back to LSU, he would be returning to a program stocked with talent -- which Alabama was not. He'd be returning to a place where he is adored and his foibles are embraced -- which he is finding Alabama is not. He'd be going back to an open and seemingly unlimited checkbook.
So Michigan would get the coach it wants and LSU would get the coach it wants.
So how would that make things better for the Dolphins? As I just stated, Saban would be struggling with the Dolphins this year as any coach would. But do you think he'd be winless? His Miami teams started slow both years, but they hit a stride midway through the season. It didn't last and it didn't make them good long-term or short-term.
But they were not WINLESS. Not even close.
And I don't think they would be winless this year under Saban. And how would that be better for Miami long-term?
Well, it was clear last year that the big-name coaches the Dolphins coveted initially -- Pete Carroll and Bill Cowher -- were not ready to move or get back into coaching. Those close to Cowher believe he'll be ready to return to coaching this year. And if the Dolphins were in the market for a coach this year, following Saban's departure to LSU, I am certain they would be players in the chase for Coach Chin.
Furthermore, I put to you that had Saban stayed in Miami this year, held out one more inglorious season, Cam Cameron would be better off as well. If Saban had stayed, Cameron would still be in San Diego in some capacity because he had only one other head coach interview last year and Arizona didn't ask him back for a second talk.
So he would not have left San Diego. He would, worst case, be San Diego's offensive coordinator, which given the talent there is pretty attractive. And if things had played out as they did, Cameron would almost certainly have inherited the head coaching job when Marty Schottenheimer was fired.
So Camerons would be San Diego's head coach and the Dolphins would be in good position to hire a good head coach with a winning track record because they could chose between a semi-retired Cowher and an unemployed Schottenheimer as their next coach.
So to recap if Saban had stayed in Miami this year, the Dolphins might not be winless and in 2008:
Saban would be coaching LSU.
Cameron would be coaching San Diego.
And either Cowher or Schottenheimer could be coaching the Dolphins.
That's better all the way around, I think.
Discuss ...
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
....And you can find it right here. It's about office pools, little girls giving you a thumbs up and a guy with funny hair.
I have issues. I know.
Usually I mock Peter King's fantasy advice on Tuesday's, but he didn't mention anyone that is playing tonight, so I can just go ahead and run this now.
But before we start, I have to mention this quote from Peter again..
1. No one except maybe the '27 Yankees could beat the Patriots right now.
1. Lynch still had a walking boot on his foot today, and though he's saying he thinks he may be able to play, I'd say the chances of that are slim. Looking to pick someone up? I'd say rookie Dwayne Wright is a better choice than vet Anthony Thomas. I don't like the matchup of the plodding Thomas against New England's hammering front seven.
2. Dump Rudi Johnson if he still has trade value in your league. By all measures, the best back on the Bengals now is Kenny Watson, who is gaining 1.8 yards more per carry than Johnson.
4. Arizona offensive coordinator Maurice Carthon loves Arrington, and his touches have gone way up the last three weeks. I would look for him to get the ball in space 10 times in Cincinnati on Sunday. If you've got a flex spot open this weekend, Arrington might not be a bad pick. I could see him getting 80 yards and a touchdown.
5. How can Thomas Jones not have a touchdown right now? Ridiculous. With Pittsburgh cming to town and allowing a league-low 72 rushing yards per game, there's no worse play in the league this weekend than Jones. He's got to sit.
6. Play Dallas Clark, who has been practicing this week and seems to be over the concussion that sidelined him against the Chargers. Trade for him if your deadline hasn't come yet. I could see him catching 12 balls against Kansas City, what with the blanketing of Reggie Wayne continuing and the wideout injuries stunting the Indy passing game.
7. Derrick Mason's pathetic 9.0-yards-per-catch average is not all his fault, obviously. I think he'd be a good pickup this weekend if he's on the waiver wire in your league. Kyle Boller needs a wideout security blanket, he likes throwing to Mason, and the Browns -- surrendering 273 yards per game and an abominable 22 touchdowns through the air -- are coming to town for a game the Ravens must have.
8. Don't trust Mason? Here's a waiver guy for you: Koren Robinson. Brett Favre loves him and went out on a limb to make sure he got back with the Packers this season after all his substance abuse problems. Coach Mike McCarthy thinks Favre sees himself in Robinson, who is working hard with more passes are coming his way each week. With Carolina averaging a putrid 1.0 sacks per game, Favre should have enough time to find Robinson a few times Sunday.
9. Worried about the Colts offense? Don't be. All three tackles who were hurt last Sunday practiced fully on Friday, and Peyton Manning should not have the same kind of fire-drill game he endured in San Diego Sunday.
The Monday Wrap-up is basically what the name says. It wraps up the weekend in football on Monday Morning. Easy huh?
There isn't much left to say
(Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)
Every week, I hold on to some little hope that whoever is playing the Patriots can catch some sort of lightning in a bottle or catch the Pats on a bad night and pull the upset, but every week they just abuse that poor team like Mike Vick's dogs.
Last night Buffalo stepped up to the plate. They were on a little winning streak, it was a prime time game at home and they even had an inspirational message from Kevin Everett on the big screen.
When you add those variables together, it usually ends up in a win but not against these Patriots. The game was basically over midway through the second quarter and most of us lost interest after halftime. I personally opted for violent masturbation then.
Tom Brady went 31-39, had 5 touchdown passes and 4 of those went to Randy Moss in the first half. Next week the poor Eagles will step up and take their anal pounding and that thing I said about Pittsburgh maybe upsetting them? Well, forget that please...
The funniest thing about this is that the 'Niners keep dropping to new lows every week, meaning that New England will probably end up with the 2nd overall pick in the draft. They go undefeated, they tear everyone a new asshole and they draft Darren McFadden 2nd overall in April.
I had a season in Madden once where I dominated my way to a championship and ended up drafting 2nd overall in the next draft because of a trade I pulled off the previous season. It seemed unrealistic at the time, but the Patriots are actually going to do it now.
Thanks for making me look silly Pittsburgh
(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
So, after seeing Pittsburgh destroy Baltimore two weeks ago, I was convinced that they could possibly take down New England. The Pats had to hold on to beat Indy, who were missing some guys at the time, and the Steelers looked downright nasty against Baltimore.
But how can you take this team seriously anymore now that they lost against the Jets? The Jets belong in that Miami/San Fran/St. Louis group of horrible teams and that was a game that Pittsburgh needed to dominate.
Somehow, Thomas Jones managed to snap the Steelers 34 game streak of not allowing a 100-yard rusher and New York had Large Benjamin on his back more often than Lindsay Lohan.
Now, if a Thomas Jones/Kellen Clemens led offense can do that, while holding the Steelers to just 16 points...imagine what a Tom Brady/Randy Moss/Wes Welker/Donte Stallworth/Benjamin Watson/Laurence Maroney led offense will do to these guys.
The Steelers seem to play well when they're at home but they crap their pants uncontrollably when they hit the road. Their 3 losses have all come on the road this season and they weren't really against the cream of the crop (Arizona, Denver, The Jets). That's going to be a problem come play-off time Mike Tomlin.
The Jonathan Beck era is finally underway
(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
John Beck took the field the first time for the Miami Dolphins in Philadelphia, in cold, rainy conditions, facing a tough defense and without the star running back to hand the ball off to.
Considering all of the above, he did pretty well out there. Beck went 9-22 for 109 yards but he didn't turn it over and he wasn't sacked. He looked good at times and he obviously looked nervous at others.
The result was the same, a Miami loss, but yet again it was close and there was hope for a victory again midway through the fourth quarter. But hey, when you have a young team and a team that has been hit hard by injuries, you're not going to pull these games out.
More importantly, Ted Ginn had his best game as a pro and I don't think that it's a coincidence. Cleo Lemon just could not get the ball to Ginn but that Beck/Ginn combo started to show some flashes yesterday.
Ginn finished with 4 catches for 52 yards and had that great 87 yard punt return for a touchdown. He now has 2 touchdowns on the year but let's not forget about the 2 other return touchdowns that were called because of penalties.
And it looks like Jason Allen might finally be getting it. Allen has been playing pretty well since Cameron gave him the ultimatum and he produced yesterday again. Two interceptions, six tackles and hope for those of us that still think that he can be an impact player in this league.
The AFC is not really looking so great today
(Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)
Outside of New England, there isn't really a team right now in the AFC that is really looking very good to me.
The Colts when healthy are obviously a force, but with all these injuries, they had to fight and claw their way to a last second win at home against the Chiefs. The Chiefs, who were starting Brodie Croyle and who are without Larry Johnson. I dunno but that's a game that Indy usually dominates.
The Steelers lost to the Jets, which is about as bas as it gets and the Chargers will go nowhere if Philip Rivers keeps throwing the ball like he's doing. Rivers is making Joey Harrington look like a good option back there.
The Browns are a nice surprise but their offense is in a shoot-out every time because that defense can't stop anyone really and that's going to be a problem come play-off time.
The Titans are the exact opposite, with one of the best defenses in the league but with a passing attack that doesn't even scare Elon. When you have to struggle to get 20 points, it will make things a little hard on you.
That leaves the Jags, who had a big win against San Diego yesterday but that team is a David Garrard injury away of being irrelevant again. When Quinn Gray needs to come in every so now and then in relief duty, you are in big, big trouble.
Stupid Peter King shit
1. No one except maybe the '27 Yankees could beat the Patriots right now.
Someone, anyone, tell me how this man keeps pulling in a paycheck from Sportsline.
Pete Prisco has been asking for weeks now in his Power Rankings when Miami is finally going to start John Beck. He mentioned it again last week and since the page gets updated every week, I figured I'd just put a screen shot for you. (Click to view a larger image)
They're the lone winless team now that the Rams have left them behind. When is John Beck going to play? I'll ask the question every week until he's put in the starting lineup.
Leave it to the Dolphins to throw the rookie quarterback in on the road at Philadelphia. John Beck starts this week, and it won't be in a friendly spot. Look for the Eagles to blitz the heck out of him and use turnovers to lead to a route.
As you can see, I've been lazy as hell this weekend. I'm so damn lazy that I took the laptop into bed and I'm typing this while lying down and itching my crotch.
I guess I have to say something about John Beck getting his first start tomorrow since I've been waiting for that from the moment he had been drafted.
Beck gets his first start in Philly and I'm really not surprised that the Philly fans are hoping that Jim Johnson blitzes 'till he passes out.
On the one hand, Beck has some tough games down the road. He gets his debut in Philly, against that Blitz-happy defense and I'm sure that the crowd will be as pleasant as getting sexually harassed by a mule. After that, he gets to play in prime time in Pittsburgh against the Steelers, a game that scares me probably more than the New England game.
Oh, and then there's that New England game in New England that I just mentioned, a game against the Ravens and their tough defense and the Bengals game which could be Miami's last chance for a victory. Yeah, no pressure on the kid at all..
But on the flip side, at least we get to see what he's made of. It does not get any tougher than this and it will either destroy this young man or he'll step up and become the leader that this team needs.
That said, I'm not expecting great things from him yet and even if he does perform well, it does not automatically mean he'll be great down the road. But at least we'll have some idea of what he can bring to the table and that's very important with a first overall pick coming up in April.
So yes, I'm excited for the John Beck era. Trying to keep things realistic but still pretty damn excited. Something that I haven't been able to say a lot this season...
