Damn these predudice folk

We make jokes sometimes that the AOL Fanhouse has the worst commentators on the interwebs because while some of the folks that comment there seem cool, others consistently show the I.Q. of a brain dead Armadillo.

I usually don't pay much attention to these guys, but this fellow commenting on the Mike Vick sentencing just made my day.

STUPID ASS WHITE FOLKS YO ASS DIDNT SAY THAT WHEN LINDSAY LOHEM GOT 84MINUTES IN JAIL OR BRITNEY STOLE LIGHTER YALL SO DAM PREDUDICE THATS ITS SO

Yeah, he actually called her Lindsay Lohem. That's just priceless.

Blatant use of the "Caps lock" button : Check.
Horrible grammar : Check.
Butchering the name of a well known actress : Check.
Not even finishing the sentence : Check.
Showing the mental capacity of a dirty wash cloth : Double check.

(image courtesy of phun.org)

Falcons doing their best to score double digit points someday

I admitted last Sunday that I think that my Dolphins are the worst team in football. The reality of it hurts, much like a prostate exam from this fine gentleman, but this team sucks some big goat testicles right now. Well, after giving it some thought, I'll go out on a limb and say that the Dolphins are not the absolute worst team out there right now.

Minnesota tried Brooks Bollinger on Sunday, meaning that they should be banned to the Arena League. The Chiefs are a hazzard to everyone's eye sight, as is J.P. Losman and the Bills...but there's one team that's really shitting themselves uncontrollably. You guessed it, Peter King's fantasy team the Atlanta Falcons....

In the first two games, Miami has at least scored a combined 33 points. Atlanta's woeful offense has managed just 10 points and I don't think we can be surprised since Joey Harrington is lining up back there. The Falcons have realized that they probably need to score double digits in a game at some point this season and have decided to sign Byron Leftwich and kicker Morten Andersen. Thrilling.

Leftwich is definitely an upgrade over Harrington but that's not saying much because right now Pat Summerall would be an upgrade over Harrington. I believe Leftwich will be starting soon, but I'll still rank Atlanta a tad below Miami.

Why you ask? Well, both teams have anemic offenses, crappy offensive lines, first year head coaches, receivers that like to play "drop" and quarterbacks that don't scare anyone. Only difference is that Miami has a much stronger defense and it would probably lead to Miami winning if both teams lined up against each other right now.(that's what I'm trying to convince myself)

Actually, if those two teams lined up tomorrow, they're collective crap fest would create some sort of time space continuum breach and the universe would implode, taking Peyton Manning and his massive forehead with it.

So yeah, at least we're not the most pathetic of the bunch. Thanks Mike Vick. Couldn't have done it without your fine career choices.

America's Team? Not My America.

The next "guest author" to step up to the plate here is Mitchell Blatt from Juiced Sports Blog. JSB includes articles by two daily bloggers, plus three weekly columnists and interviews with NFL players. If you don't agree with Mitch or didn't like what he had to say...please direct yourself to his blog and leave your complaints over there.
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Even as society gets more and more violent by the day, there are some things that still shock me. ESPN's recent christening Virginia Tech "America's Team" is the most recent example.

It hard enough today to turn on the TV without seeing someone murdered, raped, castrated, or have their internal organs ripped out then used to choke themselves to death, but one reliable place to find non-violent, character-building entertainment was sports. Sure you might see the occasional illegal block in the back or bat thrown at an umpire or mascot punched out by another, but overall, you could be sure that you would see a good clean game played by respectful athletes who just wanted to play by the rules and prove themselves.


Not so anymore. The media's recent promotion of VT puts college football in the trash heap with the rest of the TV shows. I know it seems cool to be hardcore - The strong kids who push the limits and break the rules always get the girl - and maybe I'm not down with youth today's youth culture, but I just have a problem with mass murder and dogfighting. I'm sorry, but there's just something about those two hobbies that I find disgusting. Virginia Tech happens to be the breading ground of two of the most vile mass murderers and dogfighters this world has ever seen: Seung-Hui Cho and Michael Vick. Those two are also Virginia Tech's most famous alumni. So for ESPN to be calling this school "America's Team" is despicable.

If this is America's Team, this is certainly not my America. In my America, citizens do not kill each other mindlessly. In my America, people don't run illegal dogfighting rings. In my America, rich people don't have to go to jail for something that can easily be resolved with a payoff to the feds...

With Virginia Tech as a starting point, I offer you 5 more athletic institutions that are corrupting America:

1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers With Jeff Garcia as a potential starter, they are confusing young Americans about gender roles. Too bad we don't have the Republicans in Congress anymore to make a Constitutional amendment against gay quarterbacks.

2. Atlanta Falcons They have pushed back race relations in America 100 years. Why didn't they stand up for Michael Vick when he was accused of dogfighting?

3. Curt Schilling By speaking out against steroid use, he is helping to raise a generation of kids are affraid of competition. How will we be able to keep up with China if we do not have our kids taking steroids?

4. Pat Tillman I know he's gone, but his the thought of him turning down millions of dollars to join the army is still blazed in my head. What kind of example is he setting for kids accross America about to strike it rich in business or athletics? He's telling them that it's perfectly fine to live your life based on your beliefs instead of on the pursuit of money. I shudder to think what our economy will be like in 30 years.

5. Michigan Wolverines Aside from losing to Appalachian State, they are the Michigan Wolverines, and that is bad enough. Go Buckeyes.

It's tough being a Falcons quarterback

The news is coming in that Mike Vick will plead guilty to federal dogfighting conspiracy charges, meaning that he's definitely looking at jail time right now.

"After consulting with his family over the weekend, Michael Vick asked that I announce today that he has reached an agreement with federal prosecutors regarding the charges pending against him," lead defense attorney Billy Martin said in a statement.

"Mr. Vick has agreed to enter a plea of guilty to those charges and to accept full responsibility for his actions and the mistakes he has made. Michael wishes to apologize again to everyone who has been hurt by this matter."

So yes, Vick is literally and figuratively screwed now as he'll learn a different meaning for the term "quarterback scramble". But this has made me think what a rough couple of months it has been for Falcons quarterbacks.

• Matt Schaub

Schaub had been rotting away on Atlanta's bench, hearing from everyone around him that he should be a starter somewhere in the NFL and when the Falcons finally traded him, it was to the Texans. Poor Matt will be lying on his back more often than Paris Hilton in the coming months...

• Joey Harrington

Harrington was brought in to replace Schaub as Mike Vick's back-up but the problem with that is that he's Joey Harrington. Harrington failed to impress in Miami where his competition was a gimpy Daunte Culpepper and a guy called Cleo Lemon. When you can't impress when you're going against a guy with a gimp and guy named Cleo...it doesn't really bring much confidence to the table.

So now Joey gets put into the starters role in Atlanta, making Falcons fans puke from their eyes while hoping for quick and painless death. The bright side of Joey Harrington being your starting qb is that he'll probably lead you to a very high pick in the coming draft.

• D.J. Shockley

Shockley is a Georgia product and some of the fans in Atlanta were lobbying for him to be the starter. Their argument being that he can't possibly be worse than Harrington but we won't find out anytime soon as D.J. destroyed his knee in Atlanta's preseason game against Buffalo on Friday night.

• Ookie

And yes, that takes us back to Ookie. There isn't really much more than I can say right now that hasn't been said already. Just that his herpes might actually help his situation now where he's going.

Vick indicted

Eh, that Matt Schaub trade ain't looking so good now huh.....

It looks like Mike Vick is in some deep shit for his role in that horrible dogfighting ring. We all saw this coming and now it's basically official.

The indictment alleges that the 27-year-old Vick and his co-defendants began a grisly dogfighting operation in early 2001 in which dogs fought to the death -- or close. Losing dogs were sometimes killed by electrocution, drowning, hanging or gunshots.

If convicted, Vick and the others -- Purnell A. Peace, Quanis L. Phillips and Tony Taylor -- could face up to six years in prison, $350,000 in fines and restitution.

The actual indictment which you can read over at the Smoking Gun also gives us the nicknames that Vick and his buddies used while doing this stuff. Purnell Peace was "P-Funk", Quanis Phillips was "Q", Tony Taylor was "T" and Mike Vike was known as “Ookie".

Well, I'm pretty sure that "Bubba", "Johnson" and "Mandingo" from cell block-A will have plenty of fun with Ookie any day now. And by fun I mean running the naked bootleg during shower time.

The ripple effect of the Matt Schaub trade

The big news yesterday was that the Houston Texans acquired Qb Matt Schaub from the Atlanta Falcons. To get Schaub, the Texans gave up their second rounder in this year's draft, their second rounder in 2008 and they also swapped positions with Atlanta in the first round. This trade has some big implications for various teams come draft time and I'm going to throw around some possibilities on how things might go down from here on out.

First off, Houston is investing a lot in Schaub. They're giving up 2 second rounders, dropping 2 slots in the first round, and gave him a 6-year, 48 million dollar contract. That's a lot for a guy who hasn't done much yet in this league. So far in his career, he has started 2 games, lost both and has 6 touchdowns and 6 interceptions. Not very impressive.

What this also means is that Houston will probably cut or try to trade David Carr. I think that Carr gets too much blame for the struggles of the Texans and I want to see what he can do when he's surrounded with decent talent. During his time in Houston he had Andre Johnson and not much more. So again, is Schaub so much better than Carr that he can overcome these obstacles and turn the franchise around??

With Carr probably on his way out, the question becomes where he will end up. The Vikings are supposed to be interested and would make sense. I'd love to see Carr in Miami, but we already have Culpepper and I'd want to know first if Daunte will be back at 100%. If there's any doubt about Pep, I'd want Carr in Miami, but if the coaching staff is confident that Pep will be back to his old form, Miami obviously would not need him.

Detroit, Cleveland and Oakland are all teams that are in the market for a quarterback so they could also make a run at Carr instead of trying their luck in the draft. Wherever Carr ends up, it will shake up the draft even more.

So, the teams in the top 10 now have various ways they can go. Oakland could try a run at Carr or stick with JaMarcus Russell like everyone is expecting them to do. Detroit, sitting at number 2 will probably affect the draft more than any other team. They could take Brady Quinn, they could make a run at Carr and take Joe Thomas at number 2, they could take Thomas at 2 and try to get Drew Stanton in the next round or they could even trade down with a team that really wants Calvin Johnson.

Cleveland also has some decisions to make. First off, is Charley Frye their guy?
If Brady Quinn and Adrian Peterson are there, I think Cleveland should go with Quinn. Franchise quarterbacks are a lot harder to find than running backs but if Quinn is gone, there is no doubt that they should take Peterson. They could take Peterson and Troy Smith later in the draft and instantly improve their offense. I could see them taking Calvin Johnson, especially now that Kellen Winslow might miss time but they need to be sure about the Qb position first.

Calvin Johnson is another interesting guy here. He's being called the best receiving prospect of the past 15 years and that could have teams trying to move up for him. Tampa needs him, Atlanta could most definately use him as could Miami. Miami and Atlanta have some extra picks that they could use to move up. With Vick, Dunn, Norwood, Johnson and Crumpler the Falcons suddenly have a very dangerous offense while Miami could have Culpepper (Carr?), Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, Chris Chambers and Johnson. But, there's a lot of "if's" in there and it's probably far fetched.

Houston, depending on what the other teams do can get Adrian Peterson fall to them at number 10. If he's there, Houston should take him unless they feel that he's not durable and that they're better off by giving Schaub protection, in the form of Levi Brown. As for Atlanta, if they don't move up for Calvin, I think it's pretty safe to say that they take Laron Landry at number 8.
Landry could fall into that same category as Ed Reed, Sean Taylor and Troy Polamalu and the Falcons would be very happy with a playmaker like that on defense.

Miami, sitting at number 9 could probably end up with one of these players. Brady Quinn, Amobi Okoye or Jamaal Anderson. All 3 would be great picks in my opinion. Quinn could be the Qb of the future, Okoye is an amazing talent who's only 19 years old and Anderson would be great opposite Jason Taylor.

But yeah, these are all speculations and no one can really say for sure yet what is going to happen. What the Texans do with David Carr will probably have some big impacts though...