I have a bad feeling here

So, the Steelers and Pats are just about to kick-off and I'm suddenly not so sure that the Steelers will make them sweat anymore.

David Flemming gave 33 weird reasons why the Steelers will win, Simmons picked them to cover, Peter King cursed them, Bill Cowher picked them on the CBS pregame show and we have that Anthony Smith guarantee. Just too many people jumping on this Steelers bandwagon here...

Oh, and my opponent the first round of the fantasy football play-offs has Brady and Moss on his team. Yeah, the Pats will have this one wrapped up by half time.

Update : I just want every Steeler player and coach to take turns and kick Anthony Smith in his chin. Maybe he'll keep his trap shut next time...

I might as well rename the site

So, I guess I might as well rename this site "Peterkingcangosuckacockflavoredlollipop.com" because I seem to only be writing about Baby Beluga these days.

Now, what did Captain Cholesterol do this time you ask? Well, he picked Pittsburgh to beat New England but what got me were his reasons why the Steelers will win.

See, I had been saying for a few weeks now that Pitt could give New England trouble and I actually did pick Pittsburgh in my pick'em pools this week, but Peter's reasoning blew my mind.

He took simple common sense and donkey punched it...

4. Hines Ward's will to win. The dude leads the league in it.

Yes, the Steelers will win because of Hines Ward incredible amount of will and because you know, no one on the Patriots has any will to win. So according to Peter, not only does Tony Romo lead the league in smiling...but Hines Ward leads the league in "will to win".

Amazing. I actually feel dumber after reading that. I feel like my mind has regressed with big strides after reading that insanely stupid statement. Everything I have accomplished in life means nothing anymore after reading that shit.

Ah well, this obviously means that Pittsburgh has been reamed in the ass by the Peter King curse and that they probably will go winless for the rest of the season. Hines Ward will shred his knee, Big Ben will get a case of gout and Troy Polamalu will end up playing shortstop for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

The Fanhouse and Fire Joe Morgan have also had their share of fun with this and it only illustrates how ridiculous the man has become.

It's been a long day

Started at a new job today and as a result I couldn't post anything throughout today.

The Sean Taylor incident also has me as down as can be because he's probably my favorite non Dolphins football player. It just goes to show how fragile we are...

Either way, I'm doing the Random Observations of the Monday Night game. First half edition is up here...

Update : Second half edition is here and it's brutal

The Monday Wrap-Up

The Monday Wrap-up is basically what the name says. It wraps up the weekend in football on Monday Morning. Easy huh?

There isn't much left to say















(Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)

Every week, I hold on to some little hope that whoever is playing the Patriots can catch some sort of lightning in a bottle or catch the Pats on a bad night and pull the upset, but every week they just abuse that poor team like Mike Vick's dogs.

Last night Buffalo stepped up to the plate. They were on a little winning streak, it was a prime time game at home and they even had an inspirational message from Kevin Everett on the big screen.

When you add those variables together, it usually ends up in a win but not against these Patriots. The game was basically over midway through the second quarter and most of us lost interest after halftime. I personally opted for violent masturbation then.

Tom Brady went 31-39, had 5 touchdown passes and 4 of those went to Randy Moss in the first half. Next week the poor Eagles will step up and take their anal pounding and that thing I said about Pittsburgh maybe upsetting them? Well, forget that please...

The funniest thing about this is that the 'Niners keep dropping to new lows every week, meaning that New England will probably end up with the 2nd overall pick in the draft. They go undefeated, they tear everyone a new asshole and they draft Darren McFadden 2nd overall in April.

I had a season in Madden once where I dominated my way to a championship and ended up drafting 2nd overall in the next draft because of a trade I pulled off the previous season. It seemed unrealistic at the time, but the Patriots are actually going to do it now.

Thanks for making me look silly Pittsburgh














(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

So, after seeing Pittsburgh destroy Baltimore two weeks ago, I was convinced that they could possibly take down New England. The Pats had to hold on to beat Indy, who were missing some guys at the time, and the Steelers looked downright nasty against Baltimore.

But how can you take this team seriously anymore now that they lost against the Jets? The Jets belong in that Miami/San Fran/St. Louis group of horrible teams and that was a game that Pittsburgh needed to dominate.

Somehow, Thomas Jones managed to snap the Steelers 34 game streak of not allowing a 100-yard rusher and New York had Large Benjamin on his back more often than Lindsay Lohan.

Now, if a Thomas Jones/Kellen Clemens led offense can do that, while holding the Steelers to just 16 points...imagine what a Tom Brady/Randy Moss/Wes Welker/Donte Stallworth/Benjamin Watson/Laurence Maroney led offense will do to these guys.

The Steelers seem to play well when they're at home but they crap their pants uncontrollably when they hit the road. Their 3 losses have all come on the road this season and they weren't really against the cream of the crop (Arizona, Denver, The Jets). That's going to be a problem come play-off time Mike Tomlin.

The Jonathan Beck era is finally underway















(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

John Beck took the field the first time for the Miami Dolphins in Philadelphia, in cold, rainy conditions, facing a tough defense and without the star running back to hand the ball off to.

Considering all of the above, he did pretty well out there. Beck went 9-22 for 109 yards but he didn't turn it over and he wasn't sacked. He looked good at times and he obviously looked nervous at others.

The result was the same, a Miami loss, but yet again it was close and there was hope for a victory again midway through the fourth quarter. But hey, when you have a young team and a team that has been hit hard by injuries, you're not going to pull these games out.

More importantly, Ted Ginn had his best game as a pro and I don't think that it's a coincidence. Cleo Lemon just could not get the ball to Ginn but that Beck/Ginn combo started to show some flashes yesterday.

Ginn finished with 4 catches for 52 yards and had that great 87 yard punt return for a touchdown. He now has 2 touchdowns on the year but let's not forget about the 2 other return touchdowns that were called because of penalties.

And it looks like Jason Allen might finally be getting it. Allen has been playing pretty well since Cameron gave him the ultimatum and he produced yesterday again. Two interceptions, six tackles and hope for those of us that still think that he can be an impact player in this league.

The AFC is not really looking so great today














(Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images)

Outside of New England, there isn't really a team right now in the AFC that is really looking very good to me.

The Colts when healthy are obviously a force, but with all these injuries, they had to fight and claw their way to a last second win at home against the Chiefs. The Chiefs, who were starting Brodie Croyle and who are without Larry Johnson. I dunno but that's a game that Indy usually dominates.

The Steelers lost to the Jets, which is about as bas as it gets and the Chargers will go nowhere if Philip Rivers keeps throwing the ball like he's doing. Rivers is making Joey Harrington look like a good option back there.

The Browns are a nice surprise but their offense is in a shoot-out every time because that defense can't stop anyone really and that's going to be a problem come play-off time.

The Titans are the exact opposite, with one of the best defenses in the league but with a passing attack that doesn't even scare Elon. When you have to struggle to get 20 points, it will make things a little hard on you.

That leaves the Jags, who had a big win against San Diego yesterday but that team is a David Garrard injury away of being irrelevant again. When Quinn Gray needs to come in every so now and then in relief duty, you are in big, big trouble.

Stupid Peter King shit

1. No one except maybe the '27 Yankees could beat the Patriots right now.

Thank you Peter.

The Monday Wrap-Up

The Monday Wrap-up is basically what the name says. It wraps up the weekend in football on Monday Morning. Easy huh?

The Chargers have nothing to feel good about.

















(AP Photo/Chris Park)

San Diego beat Indy last night and you'd suppose that they're feeling very peachy right now after beating the World Champs, but I see no reason for them to be happy.

Well, actually the defense did show up last night and that was pretty huge after Adrian Peterson rode them like Anna Benson last week. But still, this was a game where they should have embarrassed the Colts. I should be using dirty terms like tea-bagging, donkey punching and snuff right now instead of reminding you how the Chargers had to hold on for dear life.

I mentioned this during the Random Observations last night. Indy lost a very tough game against the Pats. They were mentally not over it yet. They had to go into San Diego and face a defense that was ready to bounce back and erase that woeful performance against Minnesota.

Indy was without 4 main guys on offense and lost a few more players during the game. Peyton Manning was throwing to Aaron Moorehead, Brian Fletcher and Craphonso Thorpe. The special teams unit was afwul and San Diego jumped out to a 23-0 lead. Like I said, this one should have been a brutal ass beating.

In the end, San Diego needed a Adam Vinatieri miss on a chip shot field goal to hold on. I guess that's what happens when Norv Turner is your coach. Games that should be blow outs turn into heart stoppers.

As for the Colts, I still think they're the second best team in football but you have got to wonder how their mindset is right now. Manning threw 6 picks and did not look like himself yesterday. Dungy admitted to making mistakes and the 2nd seed in the AFC is not a lock like it seemed a few weeks ago.

Cowboys, Packers and Steelers impress me some more.




















(AP Photo/Bill Kostroun)

I've said before that the Cowboys are my pick in the NFC to make the Super Bowl but I still had them down for a loss yesterday against the Giants.

The Giants have been on a roll, their defense has been good, they were playing at home and had that entire "revenge" thing going for them. Yet, Dallas came out and just reminded them who wears the pants in the NFC.

The game was tied at halftime but Dallas just took over in the second half and showed New York that those red jerseys are nice if you're playing dolls and hosting tea parties, but not when you're fighting for a division title.

The one team that will challenge Dallas for that NFC looks to be Green Bay. The Packers have been winning and we all have been wondering for how long they can keep doing it without a decent run game and yesterday someone actually stepped up as Ryan Grant 119 yards and a touchdown.

After the Vikings dominated the Chargers last week, I was interested to see how Green Bay would handle them and I guess a 34-0 beating answers my question. I know that Adrian Peterson got hurt and that without him the Vikings offense has as much punch as a midget without arms, but it was still a thorough beating.

And if you had asked to me to guess which running back would finally put up good numbers against that Vikings rush defense...I would have never guessed Ryan Grant.

The Steelers for their part got all they could handle from Cleveland and came out with a huge win. Coming in to the season, I never expected a Pittsburgh-Cleveland game to be so important and so hard fought, but the Browns will punch you in the balls now so you have to be ready for that.

Even though Pittsburgh needed a last second field goal miss to survive at home, I'm still saying that they're the 3rd best team in the AFC after New England and Indy. And I'll repeat it again, don't be surprised if they give New England a very tough game when they meet up a bit down the road later this year.

Carolina, Tennessee, New Orleans, Buffalo do the exact opposite.
















(AP Photo/Mike McCarn)

So, I guess we can't take the Titans serious as a play-off contender. Vince Young finally threw a touchdown pass again but turned the ball over a few times and as an offense, they still have reached 20 points in only 5 of their games so far this season.

The fact that they lost at home to a Quinn Gray led offense does not inspire much confidence either. I know they were missing Haynesworth and LaBoy on defense but still, giving up 28 points to a Quinn Gray led offense is something to be very embarrassed about. Especially when you have the league's best defense..

Speaking of embarrassing, the Panthers lost another home game. They are now 0-4 at home this season and this time they lost against the Falcons, who had Joey Harrington and Chris Redman lining up under center.

When you're losing against a combination of Joey Harrington and Chris Redman, you're probably better off just calling it a year. And yes, it looks like my "Testaverde rule" is correct...

As for New Orleans and Buffalo, both looked pretty awful yesterday as well. The Saints lost at home, giving the Rams their first win of the year and that bandwagon must be pretty empty today again.

The Bills for their part really tried to give Miami their first win of the year but my gracious Dolphins just did not want to accept it that gift.

Do we get to see John Beck now?
















(Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)

Cam Cameron stayed with Cleo Lemon yesterday but I really can't believe that Lemon still gives this team a better shot at winning. If what Cleo showed yesterday is better than what Beck shows in practice, then I'm very scared of what the John Beck era will bring.

For most of the season, it has been the offense putting up a valiant fight and the defense taking a crap and costing Miami the game. Yesterday the roles reversed a little. The defense was like the defense of old, playing inspired, creating turnovers and making big plays and it was the offense that could not get anything going consistently.

In the end the result was the same. Penalties, mistakes and another 3 point loss. It was the 5th 3-point loss of the season and I guess you can make the argument that Miami is at least not getting blown out ever game.

And poor Ted Ginn. That was the second kick return touchdown that he has had called back this season because of a penalty. Ted is going to stab someone on special teams one of these days if this keeps up.

Ginn was also wide open yesterday in the endzone but Cleo Lemon completely ignored him and it's something that is becoming very apparent. He blows past the secondary, gets open but the quarterback just can't get him the ball. He really is having a better season than people think he's having.

Stupid shit from Peter King.

i. Brett Favre is on pace for his most accurate year and most productive year in terms of yards passing. He's 38!

Yeah, and your erection has just reached a scary and disgusting level. Like the fine folks over at Levitra always say. Contact your doctor if it lasts longer than 4 hours...

That's a little bit harsh if you ask me

My favorite football writer next to Paul Zimmerman is Don Banks from SI. As bad as Peter King is, Dr. Z and Don Banks more than make up for it.

Well, Banks dropped his mid-season awards today and while I agree with most of what he says, I find his pick for worst coaching hire a bit harsh.

• Best coaching hire -- Wade Phillips, Dallas -- He was lampooned as a three-time loser when Jerry Jones tabbed him to replace Bill Parcells, but who's laughing now? The Cowboys are 7-1 for the first time since 1995, when a jokester named Barry Switzer won the franchise's most recent Super Bowl title, and they have arrived at midseason as the odds-on favorite to represent the NFC in Arizona in February.

• Runner up: Mike Tomlin, Pittsburgh.

• Worst coaching hire -- Cam Cameron, Miami -- The Dolphins are a train wreck, and it's certainly not all Cameron's fault. But at 0-8, you can't claim his presence has been a difference maker.

Here's the thing. Mike Tomlin is doing a great job with the Steelers and they are obviously the closest thing to Indy and New England in the AFC. Phillips is also doing a good job with the Cowboys who are still my NFC Super Bowl pick but both these men took over very good rosters.

Tomlin basically took over the same team that won the Super Bowl two years ago and they may be even better right now with the additions of Santonio Holmes, James Harrison and a more mature Ben Roethlisberger.

Phillips also took over a loaded roster and while he is a "defensive" coach, it's been the offense that has been good while the defense itself has been up and down. I may be wrong here but I think that Jason Garrett has been more important to Dallas this season than Wade Phillips.

As for Cameron being the worst hire. I understand that at 0-8 and with questionable calls like the Joey Porter signing, the Trent Green era and the Ted Ginn draft pick that people are calling for his head and blaming this entire mess on him....but most of this IS NOT HIS FAULT.

He did not draft horribly between 1998 and 2003. It's not his fault that the defense finally collapsed. It's not his fault that most of the roster has been injured. He did not knock out Trent Green. He did not shred Ronnie Brown's knee. He did not give Zach Thomas a concussion and whiplash.

He's trying to rebuild a putrid team and that takes time. And for those of you that think he should have kept Daunte Culpepper...well, Culpepper has been benched in favor of Josh McCown in Oakland and he looks to be done.

I know that at 0-8 and with a team that is flirting with being one of the worst ever, that the blame will fall on the coach but I can name one guy who for sure has done a worse job than Cameron this season considering the talent he has to work with and that is Norv Turner.

Taking a team that went 14-2 a season ago and that is supposed to be challenging for a Super Bowl and making them seemingly average is a lot worse than taking over a mess, trying to rebuild it and being 0-8 at the midway mark.

I think Charger fans will agree with me on that one.

That should do it for McNair right?

It's been a while since I have seen such a brutal ass-raping like the Steelers gave to the Ravens last night. Well, New England harassing Washington 52-7 two weeks ago obviously comes to mind, but this beating was different.

The Ravens pride themselves on being a tough, physical team but last night the Steelers came out and just punched them in the groin all night long. After all the hype of the Colts-Pats game, Pittsburgh just violently reminded us that they also still exist.

We all knew that is was going to be a tough game for Baltimore. No Chris McCallister. No Samari Rolle. No Todd Heap. And they were facing a Pittsburgh team that is basically unbeatable when they play on Monday Night and a team that would be especially pumped up with all those legends in attendance to celebrate the 75th anniversary of the team. But still, I don't think that anyone expected such a pounding...

This game made a few things clear for us.


1. Steve McNair is done

This should be it for Steve McNair as an NFL quarterback right? I mean, at least as a starting quarterback. Why Brian Billick still trots McNair out there is beyond me. Last night he looked slow, he looked old and that limp right arm made Chad Pennington look like Carson Palmer.

McNair's line : 13-22, 63 yards, 5 sacks and 1 pick. I don't care if Kyle Boller doesn't know the difference between a go-route and a post-route, he needs to be in there from here on out.


2. James Harrison > Joey Porter

When the Steelers decided to let Joey Porter go, it was because they were convinced that James Harrison could replace him in the lineup. Well, it looks like they were right about that.

What Harrison did last night was downright nasty. If Pittsburgh would have only had Harrison lining up on defense, they would have still won by double digits. I dunno, I have never seen a linebacker dominate a game like that, not even when I'm running up the score in Madden..

He finished with 9 tackles, 3.5 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, 1 fumble recovery and 1 interception. I don't think that Joey Porter will reach those numbers in these final 8 games combined.


3. The Steelers might make New England sweat a little

After the Pats beat Indy on Sunday, most people started thinking that 16-0 will definitely happen, including myself. But Pittsburgh still has to play New England and I'm thinking that it will be a very interesting game.

I'm not saying that the Steelers are going to win just because they pummeled a bad Ravens team last night, but I think that they will give New England a very tough game.

They can run the ball, they can keep the New England offense on the sideline and that defense will hit you in the face and force turnovers. About the only way I guess that a team could beat the Pats would be like that. Just have long, time consuming drives and force them into turnovers...

I'm not saying they will beat New England, but I wouldn't be shocked or surprised if they did.

Some cheap laughs on MNF

Amusing sequence just now on Monday Night Football. Ray Lewis made a tackle on Willie Parker and did his patented Ray Lewis scream/chest bump/whatever the hell else he does.

Jaws said that he was being very animated and Kornheiser immediately added this...

"If he was any more animated, he'd be Shrek".

I dunno, it made me chuckle. Either way, on the very next play, Big Benjamin connects with Santonio Holmes and Holmes busted out the Soulja Boy and "Supermanned dat ho".

For those of you that are still wondering how you "superman" a ho....The Mighty MJD had the answer today in the Smorgasbord.

Update : Large Benjamin just threw his 4th touchdown of the first half and I officially regret trading his ass a few weeks ago.

Random Observations : Early games edition, 2nd half

• Some of these teams are coming out pretty feisty in the second half. Ellis Hobbs returns the opening kick-off 108 yards for a Td for New England, Clinton Portis shoves a Td down Miami's throat and Mario Williams returned a fumble for a score down in Houston. Props for Bill Cowher for reminding us that Mario Williams has outscored Reggie Bush so far this season.

• Randy Moss just took out his penis and tapped it gently on the chin of the Jets. Moss just caught a 51-yards Td and now has 6 receptions for 157 yards and I'm thinking that he must like playing with this Tom Brady fellow.

• I may be seeing things but I think that the Browns just scored a touchdown. Derek Anderson hit Lawrence Vickers for a 1-yard Td and the Browns are making a game of it, 24-7.

• That Td has probably just pissed off Pittsburgh some more. Large Benjamin hits Heath Miller and it's 31-7 now. Roethlisberger has 4 Td's on the day and his testicles are firmly placed on Brady Quinn's eyelids.

• Joey Harrington has been sacked 5 times and picked off twice, with both being returned for Td's. Have fun this season Falcons...

• The Patriots went out and reminded everyone why they are the Super Bowl favorite by going into New York and raping the Jets 38-14. And this is without two of their main players on defense. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to root for a team that can kick ass on such high levels.
  

• The Titans - who have a smurf and Barbie's pony as their starting receivers - went into Jacksonville and somehow won 13-10. Again, this is why I'm not a betting man. I'd be living in a box next to Ricky Williams tomorrow if i had put money on this game.

• CBS switches to the Miami game right on time to see the Redskins win it in overtime. Man, my life is awesome. How foolish of me to think that my team could actually make a play and block a kick.
  

• It looks like Miami will be fighting it out with Atlanta, Cleveland and KC for the first pick in the draft. Should be loads of fun. I'm already giddy....
  

Random Observations : Early games edition

As usual, since for some reason we get the Pennsylvania CBS, I'll be watching the Pittsburgh Steelers in action today against the Browns. To tell you the truth, I really don't care what I get to watch today, as long as it's some meaningful football. You could let me watch KC-Houston while getting dry humped by a killer whale and I still wouldn't complain.

• The Browns have some nice young pieces on offense to build around. There's Kellen Winslow, Braylon Edwards and now Joe Thomas on the o-line. But they're starting Charlie Frye today at quarterback and that basically nullifies everything.

• The Browns just tried a punt on their first series and committed 4 penalties on that play. I'm thinking that that must be some kind of record. On the bright side, at least they're already in good form...

• Well, that didn't take long. Large Benjamin finds Hines Ward in the end-zone and the Steelers lead 7-0. Pittsburgh's is making no secret of it that they are going to donkey punch Eric Wright, the rookie corner all game long.

• For those of you that think that Joey Harrington will turn it around in Atlanta...Kevin Williams has just picked of Harrington and returned it 54 yards to the house. Much like the Browns, Joey Harrington is also already in mid-season form.

• A bunch of Td's are getting scored here suddenly. Tom Brady connected with Wes Welker, Marc Bulger found Torry Holt and Roscoe Parrish shows how they do it at "the U" by returning a punt 74 yards to paydirt. Oh, and it's probably not a good sign that Ted Ginn Jr. has out rushed Ronnie Brown so far....

• Jamal Lewis coughs up the football and the Steelers have great field position yet again. I hope that Jamal was a bit more sure handed when he did his drug deals.
  

• Large Benjamin is not joking around today. Benjie throws a 40-yard bomb to Santonio Holmes and the Steelers lead 17-0. And yes, I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality to call another man "Benjie".

• Romeo Crennell finally realizes that Charlie Frye brings absolutely nothing to this offense and makes the change to Derek Anderson. I think that even Charlie Frye's mother is happy with that move.

• Most of the games are already at the half and I'm pleasantly surprised that Miami is leading Washington 7-3. Trent Green had put up some decent numbers so far but it looks like Miami couldn't even run if they tried it with an army tank.

• Three teams are getting shut out so far - the Falcons, the Chiefs and these Browns - and I can't really say that I'm surprised. If I was playing for the Chiefs I'd probably be suffering from sort of clinical depression by now.
  

How can this guy elude you??

While in Cincinnatti football players are making it a custom to engage in criminal activities and getting arrested, in Pittsburgh they do crazy Evil Knievel type shit on bikes.
This time it was offensive lineman Barrett Brooks that got himself arrested after he fled from police on his motorcycle.

Brooks was charged with fleeing and eluding, reckless driving, driving at an unsafe speed and other traffic violations. That's pretty impressive for a guy that's 6'4" and 325 pounds.
And, like most of the crazy kids nowadays, Brooks wasn't wearing a helmet. Yeah, Big Benjamin is setting a great example up there..

Guys that are 325 pounds shouldn't be able to elude anything. If I'm a cop, and a guy like Brooks happens to get away from me, I think I'll consider a deskjob or something.
That's the point where I officialy consider myself a failure and start spening my nights locked in a dark room while drinking pure gasoline.